Roof-rack Cruisers
by David Henshaw

Humanity has an uncanny ability to ruin a good idea. Almost without fail, it becomes a bad thing, and the inventor wishes he or she hadn't bothered. Consider the internet. This miracle of communication started with plenty of promise -- all the knowledge of the world condensed into a white plastic box from PC World, the potential to enjoy blow-by-blow accounts of US Presidential peccadilloes, and a free and frank exchange of information around the globe.

The internet certainly did make the world a smaller place, but it's rapidly becoming a place full of unintelligible nonsense, sex (see US Presidents), and information that is often more out of date than the good old paper version.

However, the internet has at least saved a few trees. The real problem begins when people are let loose with something that swallows resources. Just look at the car. This was once considered an instrument of liberation and freedom for the masses: The motorised world would bring cheap unfettered transport for all, and particularly for the poor, the old, and the disadvantaged, who were having a hard time saving up for 3rd class railway tickets.

Ah, how times have changed. After a century of abuse, the car has been completely ruined as an instrument of liberation and freedom. It's now quite the opposite -- a machine that has made the old, the poor and the disadvantaged virtual prisoners in their own homes. If they venture out to play, or make a run for the shops, they risk death or serious injury. Very liberating. The rich, of course, continue to buy freedom, as they always have done.

Look a bit closer at the bicycle. Now, surely the bicycle has done its bit for liberating, freeing and unfettering the masses? Well, it certainly did once, but that's hardly the case today. There's nothing wrong with bicycles per se, you understand, it's just that most people bought the wrong kind, in the mistaken belief that a bike without racks, mudguards, or lights, and encumbered by bulbous knobbly tyres, would somehow boost their social standing.

The result was a breed of bicycle that was unusable in the rain, at night, or when you needed to carry more than a toothbrush. So the 'mountain' bicycle became a purely leisure vehicle, and because knobbly tyres made cycling hard work, and the roads were somewhat congested, it tended to be carried around by car, making the problem even worse. Catch 22.

Not all bicycles were useless 'mountain-style' machines, of course, and tireless designers put a great deal of effort into making the bicycle a more liberating machine. One of their masterpieces was the recumbent: low, fast, and easy to pedal into tiresome headwinds. The only problem with being low was that motorists couldn't see you, and the roads were rather busy, so recumbents owners all bought roof-racks for their cars to avoid being mashed by MTBers driving in search of a hill or two.

What the cyclist really needed was a super-compact folding bicycle that could be carried with ease by public transport, the transport operators having rather lost interest in the cyclists, who had all become motorists. At last, liberation from the tyranny of the car.

But what did people do with the folding bike? They found it fitted with unrivalled ease into the boots of their cars, which cut the need for a roof-rack, saving valuable time and money in the never-ending search for that elusive traffic-free road space. And so the folding bike owners queued up in their cars with the recumbent owners and the mountain-bikers, and everyone grumbled that there wasn't enough road space, and felt not the slightest bit liberated -- even rather cross, which was most unbecoming for cyclists.

There had to be a way to get people out of their cars and back into the saddle. They were losing the use of their legs by this time, so the designers hit on power assistance. Of course! The designers designed, and technology advanced another notch, and it looked as though liberation might be just around the corner. Electric bikes would make cycling easier, so more people would buy bikes and cycle further, up hill and down dale, and fetch the shopping by bike instead of motoring.

But what happened to the electric bike? Why, here was a machine that got around the need to pedal altogether! The roads were heavily congested by this time, so the electric bike owners joined the folding bike owners, the recumbent owners, and the MTBers queuing up on the roads to the hills. And lo, the bicycle -- a vehicle that promised so much on the road to liberation and freedom -- became about as useful as, well, as a bicycle without a rack, mudguards or lights.

Here's a prediction based on the historical evidence. The top-selling bike in the year 2000 will have no mudguards, no rack, no lights, a folding recumbent frame, and electric motor and knobbly tyres. Oh yes, and it'll be sold exclusively on the internet.