It's in the Stars
by Guy Kesteven
CAPRICORN
Love: Don't let the flames of love die out.
Keep stoking the fires of real affection rather than burning your fingers on
disposable barbecues.
Life: An evening class in basket weaving
could lead to snake charming surprises for elderly relatives.
Riding: If you've been hibernating then
hear the trails calling you and don't look back.
AQUARIUS
Love: Ditch the baby and any other dependants
in a skip and head for the hills. Experimenting with selection by hair colour
through the year could bring unexpected results with the mousy-haired minx you
meet in September, but you'll be bored with blondes by January 14th.
Life: This
is the year of seizing the day and letting your natural talents spill out. No,
not those ones, that's illegal.
Riding: Not
all new lines work out well, but that doesn't mean it's not fun trying them.
PISCES:
Love: The poets might have got it all sorted
out, but real life's a little less contrite. Look around you, as the person
who brings true happiness may be nearer than you think.
Life: Hamsters require less attention than
dogs but that initial cuteness will cause resentment and unfulfilment as stick
throwing opportunities pass you by.
Riding: Full suspension will provide the
dreamy, floaty ride you're looking for. Take time to find your ideal steed and
it'll be rewarded amply.
ARIES
Love: Rampant passion may be what blows
your skirt up but it's foolish to expect burning desire at the end of every
rainy ride. Bib shorts may reduce your unwelcome advances, but a more mature
attitude is required for long-term relationships.
Life: Samosas follow hard on the heels of
tortillas as your culinary flourish gathers pace. The more you can involve close
colleagues the easier you'll find life in general and the washing up in particular.
Riding: Christmas may bring a new bike but
even the best technology still needs you to get it between the trees.
TAURUS
Love: All the sudden attention is flattering
but remember those that come in like a lion may march out like a lamb.
Life: All around you will be chaos so remember
that time flies but aeroplanes crash. Creme brulee sweeps across the cusp of
Saturn's offside segment bringing sweetness and stability by next November.
Riding: Go on, be a devil and try something
new for the millennium. Different handlebar grips would be a start.
GEMINI
Love: Warm the honey a little but be careful,
it mustn't be too hot, just warm. Next, sift the flour and spices into a large
bowl, then add the sugar and the orange and lemon zest. Not a recipe for love,
but a good start for honey and spice cake (thanks Delia).
Life: As one busy millennium closes don't
let old acquaintances be forgot however many new bright lights wander into your
path. Your easygoing nature will get you prodigious loyalty card discounts in
time for Christmas shopping this year and next.
Riding: All the planets move into alignment
in late spring and speed will follow you wherever you go, so indulge your competitive
nature. However, disaster undoubtedly threatens if you court singletrack on
the north side of deciduous plantations.
CANCER
Love: You've feathered your nest well in
preparation for the years ahead, but make sure the local cat doesn't come raiding
when eggs have been laid.
Life: Getting swept along by the tide of
change may not be your natural desire, but at least watch what's going on from
your hiding place. More charcoal in your diet will reduce flatulence.
Riding: Brake control will see particularly
ripe improvement but stay clear of the BMX track until Neptune casts her spell
across your fortunate node in October.
LEO
Love: You'll be beaming from ear to ear
as the happiness you've fought for in the last year reaps massive dividends.
But remember, Hispanic temptations are best ignored.
Life: With the amount you shout about nothing,
it's almost a waste of a voice. Wait until something worth saying wanders out
of your mane for once.
Riding: The middle of the year could see
disillusionment but knuckle down and concentrate rather than just throwing thespian
tantrums.
VIRGO
Love: The bloke from accounts may have proved
to be double entry dynamite, but what you need for the year ahead is mutual
trust, not unbridled lust.
Life: Like all pot-bound plants, frequent
watering is a must. Your soul is more important than the state of your laundry
so get out on the bike now.
Riding: Mercury storms across your chart
in July. This might mean you'll be better over logs, but it could be something
about malted milk biscuits. Best to try both.
LIBRA
Love: The devil take your stereo and your
record collection, the way you'll look, you'll qualify for next year's old age
pension. Viagra is only a chemist away for those seeking reassurance.
Life: Trees may blow down, tiles may fall
but you can't wear your helmet all the time. Your terrapin may develop kennel
cough -- catch it early.
Riding: Riding with the four horsemen in
the early part of the year may seem crowded with war, pastel limbs and farming,
but struggle through to spring and you'll see it's not all an 'Annus arrable-us'.
SCORPIO
Love: You might be 'tiger,
tiger, burning bright' but be aware that scratch marks across the back are not
appropriate for all social situations.
Life: As always, be careful of the ones
with ginger hair, but don't let quick temper spill the milk of the weekend.
Riding: Brutality isn't always the answer
so try to introduce some skill to your riding. Looking further than your front
wheel might help.
SAGITTARIUS
Love: Prince Charming doesn't always have
perfect fingernails. Don't you ever stop being dandy and showing them you're
handsome. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.
Life: Your happy hopefulness and gentle
nature mean you are a close friend to many, but beware of digestive biscuits
causing spiralling bowl control problems as Mercury enters your chart in September.
Riding: Stop letting roadies onto the singletrack
before you -- they'll only fall off.
© Guy Kesteven
Maximum Mountain Bike, February 2000